What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I will pee on everything he values.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
