i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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