yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
