All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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