I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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