garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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