somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize