i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
