i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
