I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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