Whod you bang
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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