Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
