If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize