yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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