my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
