Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Green mimosas i think yes
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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