I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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