What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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