Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
