The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
