Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
