did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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