dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
