Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away

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(602): View more from Arizona

I just woke up to me licking the dognuts

(623): View more from Arizona

You mean Doughnuts?

(602): View more from Arizona

......No :(

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(301): View more from Maryland

I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime

(724): View more from Pennsylvania

...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname

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(408): View more from California

i fucked her mom dude

(1-408): View more from California

there's something to tell the kids

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(205): View more from Alabama

I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.

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(513): View more from Ohio

both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage

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(334): View more from Alabama

I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.

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