That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
