let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize