After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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