the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
