I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
