I think my fart just growled at me.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
