i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
