fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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