dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
