What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
