He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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