i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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