I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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