when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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