This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
