That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize