dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
