Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
