we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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