WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
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