The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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