I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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