hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
