just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
