Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
