im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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