I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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