found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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