i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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