Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
