my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
