I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
