i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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