Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
