It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
