Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
