Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
