we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
