Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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