I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
