I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
