mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
