I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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