Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
