How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
