I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
