and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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