you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
