the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize