I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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