I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
