Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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