i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
