Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
