Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
