i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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