I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
