this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
