but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
