Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize