I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
