Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
