Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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