I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize