Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
No subtext here. People are naked.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You took a bar mat shot.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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