Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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