Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
