one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
