The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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