so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
