Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
