If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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