The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
