Swine flu. Run for my life!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
