Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
