Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize