Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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