i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
