Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
