you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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