Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
